Nobody can prepare you for how hard it will be. Nobody tells you that you will face ten highs and ten lows all in a day's time--or an hour's time. Nobody tells you that you will feel clueless about at least one thing at least once a day, because there's just that many new things that happen in a teacher's life. Nobody will admit that it's harder than you think to constantly be bombarded by requests, favors, questions, and complaints. Nobody tells you how alone you will feel, how feelings of incompetence will creep up on you when you least expect it and you will suddenly find yourself doubting that you will ever be half as good as the good teachers out there. Nobody tells you how heavy you feel when you start learning your students' stories and carrying their emotional burdens, too. Nobody prepares you for all the unsolicited support you won't get from other teachers and staff.
Nobody can truly paint the picture that is teaching. Nobody can do it for you, until you do it for you and you find out all the truths, and then some.
Going in to this week, the fifth week of my second semester of my first year of teaching high school math, I had already reached what I would consider my biggest slump of the year. It's not that I was more stressed than I had been throughout the year, or more over-worked, or more behind (because let's be honest, I'm always behind on something). Thursday (and then Friday) was the very first day all year that I had, just for a few moments, thoughts about how I didn't want to go into 'work' that day. Up until now, I had never felt that. I've had days of not feeling ready for the day, or being tired, or stressed, but never a day where I woke up thinking "I don't wanna!" Last weekend was the first weekend I have felt so much anxiety about it all. So, needless to say, I hit a wall, or a slump, or a rut--whatever the appropriate name is for what I have been feeling the past few weeks.
And then, on top of all my first-year teacher woes, the following happened across the span of four days:
Today, a student seemed unusually lethargic and when I asked him if he was okay, he told me that his grandmother died unexpectedly last night.
I found out a student is pregnant.
I found out one of my students tried to kill himself three times last year.
I found out another student has made several attempts on her life and showed me cuts on her arm (oh, and she's transitioning from a bad foster parent situation to a new one and I don't even know where she's living right now).
I found out a student has PTSD from domestic violence he witnessed as a youth, and ended up spending ample time in a residential treatment facility.
I found out today that a student (whom I don't know well because she was just transferred to my class) was diagnosed six weeks ago with a brain tumor and has a 90% chance of dying within a year.
Nobody prepares you for any of this.
Nobody can truly paint the picture that is teaching. Nobody can do it for you, until you do it for you and you find out all the truths, and then some.
Going in to this week, the fifth week of my second semester of my first year of teaching high school math, I had already reached what I would consider my biggest slump of the year. It's not that I was more stressed than I had been throughout the year, or more over-worked, or more behind (because let's be honest, I'm always behind on something). Thursday (and then Friday) was the very first day all year that I had, just for a few moments, thoughts about how I didn't want to go into 'work' that day. Up until now, I had never felt that. I've had days of not feeling ready for the day, or being tired, or stressed, but never a day where I woke up thinking "I don't wanna!" Last weekend was the first weekend I have felt so much anxiety about it all. So, needless to say, I hit a wall, or a slump, or a rut--whatever the appropriate name is for what I have been feeling the past few weeks.
And then, on top of all my first-year teacher woes, the following happened across the span of four days:
Today, a student seemed unusually lethargic and when I asked him if he was okay, he told me that his grandmother died unexpectedly last night.
I found out a student is pregnant.
I found out one of my students tried to kill himself three times last year.
I found out another student has made several attempts on her life and showed me cuts on her arm (oh, and she's transitioning from a bad foster parent situation to a new one and I don't even know where she's living right now).
I found out a student has PTSD from domestic violence he witnessed as a youth, and ended up spending ample time in a residential treatment facility.
I found out today that a student (whom I don't know well because she was just transferred to my class) was diagnosed six weeks ago with a brain tumor and has a 90% chance of dying within a year.
Nobody prepares you for any of this.
